The 500

The 500 is the embodiment of my experience in Porto. Riding the 500 gave me all the information I need to know about this artsy, laid-back, passionate city along the Rio Duoro. During the first two weeks of our stay, the bus ride from the river district in Porto to Matosinhos (pronounced Mah-toz-een-yosh) was unremarkable. But if you stay in one place long enough, it's inevitable for the character of the locale to reveal itself. Such is the tale of the 500.

Oh the 500. The 500. It's a real hit or miss. Literally. As a self-proclaimed expert, now having ridden the 500 at least eight times per week (accounting for round trips) for 2.5 months, I got a little something to say. And I preface all this with a statement of love and gratitude that public transportation truly does deserve. But for Pete's sake (as we say in the US) I deliver this plea: 500, get your shit together! Where do we begin?

1. Schedules. Here in Porto, don't plan your life around the posted schedule. You will be sadly disappointed and lose hours of your day. Keep in mind that the bus schedule is merely a suggestion...or rather, an aspiration. Despite the neatly placed paper behind protected glass assuring riders that the bus comes four times per hour (summer and winter), most days you're lucky if the 500 comes every hour. And when it does arrive, tourists are packed in there like a can of stinky, lifeless, clueless sardines. Don't think - not even for a moment - that the QR code posted alongside the schedule will inform you of the 500's arrival. You'll be sorely mistaken if you think Porto knows how to use technology from the 1990s. (This is also evidenced by the fact that very few businesses have advanced into the 2000s by establishing websites; most still use Facebook, of which I am not a user, to advertise and connect to patrons.) So, be prepared, the 500 is an all-day affair.
2. Completo. This bus route is the life-line between São Bento and Matosinhos. For that reason, it is the tourist attraction from hell. (Yes, a bus is a tourist attraction.) And did I forget to mention that it's a double-decker, drawing the appeal of eager sight-seers elbowing their way up the two-story monster?! Don't get me wrong, it is the most convenient and direct way to the modest fishing town of Matosinhos or the beaches of Foz do Douro - not to mention the most picturesque as it glides along the contours of the Douro River leading to the ocean. It will eventually deliver you to the beach, fresh seafood, or - in our case - the gym. But be ready for a slow slog and painful experience (at least in August and September).
3. Etiquette. The etiquette on the bus is...interesting. You can spot a Porto resident from a tourist by the selection of the seat and whether an elder is left standing. Porto residents first select the seat on the outside (next to the aisle), leaving many "inside" seats (window seats) vacant out of pure awkwardness to ask people to move. The Portuguese will not move into the inside seat. Not ever. Don't expect special treatment. It won't happen. Unless under threat of no seat at all, the Portuguese avoid internal seating. Whenever a brave soul seeks the inner seat, the outside sitter will stand to allow a person to move to the inside seat. As for the elderly, if you are Portuguese (or Spanish), you will likely not yield your seat to an elder. The seats are so coveted that many older passengers accept that they are fortunate to merely squeeze onto the bus during high tourist season.
4. A porta na de tras, por favor. I memorized this phrase knowing that it would come in quite handy after an experience where we were left to walk to our apartment from an unchosen stop. No, we had not picked a proxima paragem (the next stop). Good news, my studies did not let me down. The sentence translates to: The door in the back, please. And, yes, there will be the occasional reminder to the bus driver that people in the back primarily use the closest door, and we can only do this when it's open. Here's a bit of a tip: Don't worry about shouting this phrase in an overly crowded bus. You'll be surprised how normal such utterances are and, believe me, the bus drivers have very thick skin. (Although, I do believe my tone and the "please" connoted politeness.) So when I yelled this phrase from the back of a crowded bus to help a British couple exit through the back door, nobody - except tourists - where phased, not so much as a bat of the eyelash from the locals. In fact, Portuguese passengers echoed my plea to ensure the driver heard it. The message was received and action delivered. Adeus, British couple. De nada.
5. The swerve and jerk. Umphf! If you are prone to motion sickness, stock up on bonine. (And actually use it!) If you are unfortunate enough to sit backwards on the 500 and have a driver who heavily favors "brake-driving" (you know, constantly pressing the pedal leading to a jerking motion despite clear roads or unnecessarily accelerating and then having to slam on the brake), you're in for the ride of your life. You also mustn't forget the close tailgating of cyclists and the swerve to avoid them once the oncoming traffic clears. (Yes, buses come right up on the rear of a person on a bicycle...As a former cyclist-commuter, it's sickening to watch. 🤢) It's exceptionally worthy of spoken expletives like "What the f*ck" or "Holy sh!$" or even "What's this muthaf*cka doing?!" Don't be embarrassed if you have a rocky ride or if you whisper profanities under your breath. I've seen a girl passed out on the bus (assuming it was related to the heat along with the swerve and jerk and completo situations), and I've nearly vomited multiple times after getting off the bus. It's a real experience.
6. The squeeze. Toot-toot the bus politely honks its horn to the truck, car, uber, etc. blocking the narrow street path. Nothing. We sit. We wait. Maybe a hand pops out of the car blocking the way indicating 1-minute. Sometimes the blocker just waves their cell phone out the window indicating that the conversation is more important that bus driver's mission. The minute is usually more then 60 seconds. And so the squeeze happens. Hold your breath, folks because when the bus driver decides that there is enough room, the squeeze begins. The driver will then skillfully, carefully, and (most likely) luckily manipulate the bus to squeeze between the left and right barriers to continue on its course. A real nail biter for sure.
7. Tempers flare. There's a universal saying: Cão que ladra não morde. The translation to English: All bark and no bite. Or, their bark is worse than their bite. The literal translation in Portuguese is a barking dog doesn’t bite. This saying suggests that those who talk or threaten excessively are often not a genuine threat. The Portuguese are a passionate people, and bus drivers are often the target of inflamed anger, which quickly dissipates with a smile and wave. We not only witnessed several verbal assaults to bus drivers, but random arguments on the street would arise out of nothing, draw the attention of passers-by, and end in a hug and laughter. The Portuguese are so much like my Italian-American peoples! 🤦🏽‍♀️
8. No arm, no ride. Waiting passengers must signal for the bus to stop by extending their arm into the street (hitch-hiker style minus the thumb). It's a sad, sad sight when the bus passes right by and the person is left bewildered or, worse, stranded for another 30-60 minutes. Don't worry about looking cool and feeling stupid putting your arm out. The bus will not stop unless you do so - local or tourist, rich or poor, elderly or disabled, child or adult. It does not discriminate. No arm, no ride.